Food for thought....

March 7, 2015


Life takes many turns for each of us. We aren't supposed to know what they are. Not until they happen anyway. If we did, we would be able to see what God already knows and we all know that He is the only one that can see all and knows all.
I haven't written in a while. A great while. A lot has happened. I have learned through a lot of lessons.
When I first started writing, I was going through a separation and inevitably a divorce. I struggled with that, as most do. It is a life altering event.
I talked to a number of people who went through divorce. I had a lot of issues. I am a child of divorce myself. Statistics show that more adults who are a child of divorce will divorce as well. I DID NOT want to be a statistic. My marriage was also one that was brought about by pregnancy. Also, a great number end in divorce. I also struggled with disappointing God. I listened to a sermon that was about disappointing God. That sermon stated that we CANNOT disappoint God because He knows everything we are going to do and the moment we are going to do it before He ever created us. He is just waiting on us to do those things. Then marriage was explained to me by a friend who is also a former missionary and has been through divorce. It goes like this: There are 2 types of marriages. The first is a marriage on paper. Nothing more. The second, and the way God intended for it to be, is where two people join and truly become as one. My marriage was a piece of paper. Plain and simple. We were two people living in one house.
Since the divorce, I have done a lot of thinking and praying and wondering and recollecting and so forth. I thought maybe some of my thoughts might help someone else.
For starters, and as I told my son when he and his former girlfriend got pregnant, you DO NOT get married just because you are pregnant. The baby will be loved so much and getting married does not make it any more right. DO NOT get married because someone tells you that is what you need to do. DO NOT get married because it is convenient.
Getting married is a LIFE LONG commitment. Two people committing to one another. Two people who love one another more than any other human. You MUST put God first in your marriage. If you do that, He will guide you, if you ALLOW Him to do so. Marriage is NOT 50/50!! IT IS 100/100. It is NOT one doing all the giving and one doing all the taking. Sure. One of you is going to be better at doing something than the other. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, or who knows what else. But you are a partnership. A team. You don't leave all the work for your partner or your team and you don't want to be the one doing all the giving either. You complement one another. You lift one another up and support one another. It is TRULY supposed to be in sickness & health. So matter what is going on, you are there for the other.
You don't put yourself above all else. You are not the most important person in the marriage. If you treat your partner the way you want to be treated and you both live that way then you will both take care of the other. Sure you will have arguments and disagreements. That is normal. But if you are a partnership, team, you will talk through them and come out stronger and closer. If you aren't a partnership, team, then you will be going against one another all the time and there is no relationship in that.

Life is too short......

     Don't ever settle for second best or less than what you think you deserve. Life is too short to live unhappy. You do deserve the best, whatever the best may be for you. And yes, I am talking to you, and you, and you, and to myself......

Wordless Wednesday....Just happens to be the 21st birthday of my son

June 27, 1991

So many places and to choose just 10.....

Hello to all of the readers from The Eloping Stethoscope and to all of the Tuesday 10 link-uppers. This week's Tuesday 10 should be lots of fun as we get to share the 10 places we would like to visit.

Flashback Friday....My Daddy

     Welcome to all of the Matter of Choice readers. I hope this has been a good Friday for all of you. Thank you for stopping by and reading my Flashback Friday and by the way this is my first one. I will go ahead and forewarn you that this might be a tad long as my situation with my dad is not the common relationship........

Wordless Wednesday.....The Birth of my Granddaughter

The Best Things About having a BROTHER....

     Welcome to all the Mom 2 Memphis and Ruby readers. It is time once again for the Tuesday 10 link-up. This week's Tuesday 10 is.... Ten reasons I love ________. Well, if you have been reading then you know I have a brother. So mine is about the best things about a brother.


   

A New Meaning to "Father's Day"

     For most of my life the only people that I could tell Happy Father's Day was my Paw-Paw, my mom's dad, and my Uncle Mike, my mom's brother. Those two men helped to mold me and make me into the person I am and without them I don't know where I would be today.....

Questions Left Unanswered

     I know that all things happen for a reason and we are not supposed to question those things. BUT sometimes things happen that you just cannot wrap your mind around. Well, this is one of those things.....
     

The Moment You Know Without REALLY Knowing

     Keep in mind, the only contact I had had with him was to send him an inbox message on Facebook to let him know that I was not mad at him but that I had a lot to take in and that as soon as I was ready and comfortable with all of this new information I had, I would be happy to meet him. And he did not respond to that message, so I had no idea how he reacted or felt about what I had said.    
     Well, we got the kids loaded and headed to Paul's house (and this will be the last blog that you hear me refer to him by his given name. His new name given to him by me is Bubba).
    

Going to the Beach (Or so I thought)

     As the next couple of weeks pass by, Jessica and I become closer and she comes to the store and helps me more.  This was good because we needed to get to know each other. After all, I am eleven years older than her and we never got to know each other. I have a sister but I have never been close to her and I always thought that sisters were supposed to be close.    
     When I was 17 and met them all that one time, I remember Jessica more than anyone. My mom always told me that I rolled my eyes just like my dad and that would make me so mad because she was telling me that I was like him and from all that I had grown up knowing, I DID NOT want to be like my dad.  Well, meeting Jessica, I quickly learned that I definitely looked like my dad. Seeing her at the age of 6 was like looking into a mirror of my past and seeing me at 6 all over again.
    

The 2nd First Meeting

     Well from February 5, 2011, Jessica, who is my new found sister, and I started having casual conversations on Facebook but I was still reluctant to really tell anyone about having found her.  As time passed by though, we started talking a little more often and I became more at ease with her on this level.
     By now, (April 2011) I have learned that I have a nephew and three nieces as well as two step nephews and a step niece. When God blesses us with family, well He really loads us up.  I was operating a small consignment shop at the time, Second Blessings Consignment.
    

You Got Me To Thinking

     On February 5, 2011 a very dear friend, Kym Nobles Ragan, came for a visit at my little consignment shop. We chatted for a good long while and then our conversation turned to my father and my brother. For whatever reason, I had it all confused. I thought that my brother, Paul, was my uncle. Once she left the store, I got on my phone and started looking at friends on Facebook.  I found that she was friends with this Paul Tidwell and I was friends with Jessica Vinson who was also friends with Paul but not Kym. Well, needless to say, my curiosity got the best of me. 
    

The First Desire

     One day when I was dusting, I picked up a picture of my little sister and I in a little wading pool in my Maw-Maw's backyard.  I can't tell you what moved me to remove the back off of that frame and see what was behind that picture. But nonetheless, I removed the back and there was this picture of me sitting in a man's lap, a man of whom I had never seen before.  I flipped it over to find it said "Anne and Jesse". I didn't know anything about my father other than his name was Jesse Lee Tidwell, so I assumed this man must be my father.