March 7, 2015
Life takes many turns for each of us. We aren't supposed to know what they are. Not until they happen anyway. If we did, we would be able to see what God already knows and we all know that He is the only one that can see all and knows all.
I haven't written in a while. A great while. A lot has happened. I have learned through a lot of lessons.
When I first started writing, I was going through a separation and inevitably a divorce. I struggled with that, as most do. It is a life altering event.
I talked to a number of people who went through divorce. I had a lot of issues. I am a child of divorce myself. Statistics show that more adults who are a child of divorce will divorce as well. I DID NOT want to be a statistic. My marriage was also one that was brought about by pregnancy. Also, a great number end in divorce. I also struggled with disappointing God. I listened to a sermon that was about disappointing God. That sermon stated that we CANNOT disappoint God because He knows everything we are going to do and the moment we are going to do it before He ever created us. He is just waiting on us to do those things. Then marriage was explained to me by a friend who is also a former missionary and has been through divorce. It goes like this: There are 2 types of marriages. The first is a marriage on paper. Nothing more. The second, and the way God intended for it to be, is where two people join and truly become as one. My marriage was a piece of paper. Plain and simple. We were two people living in one house.
Since the divorce, I have done a lot of thinking and praying and wondering and recollecting and so forth. I thought maybe some of my thoughts might help someone else.
For starters, and as I told my son when he and his former girlfriend got pregnant, you DO NOT get married just because you are pregnant. The baby will be loved so much and getting married does not make it any more right. DO NOT get married because someone tells you that is what you need to do. DO NOT get married because it is convenient.
Getting married is a LIFE LONG commitment. Two people committing to one another. Two people who love one another more than any other human. You MUST put God first in your marriage. If you do that, He will guide you, if you ALLOW Him to do so. Marriage is NOT 50/50!! IT IS 100/100. It is NOT one doing all the giving and one doing all the taking. Sure. One of you is going to be better at doing something than the other. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, or who knows what else. But you are a partnership. A team. You don't leave all the work for your partner or your team and you don't want to be the one doing all the giving either. You complement one another. You lift one another up and support one another. It is TRULY supposed to be in sickness & health. So matter what is going on, you are there for the other.
You don't put yourself above all else. You are not the most important person in the marriage. If you treat your partner the way you want to be treated and you both live that way then you will both take care of the other. Sure you will have arguments and disagreements. That is normal. But if you are a partnership, team, you will talk through them and come out stronger and closer. If you aren't a partnership, team, then you will be going against one another all the time and there is no relationship in that.
